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2018 plz be good to me... yes, i went for interview last month. At Sarawak Energy. Just the day before i went to KL for NHAM. The only day im free. Just back from Penang on Monday, then tuesday working as usual. But need to go to sgh to settle thing. Not enough time to study n prepare for interview. But, Alhamdulillah... everything goes well. Really hoping for good news from them. And yes, until now still hoping. Before went for interview, i ask everyone who close with me, pray the best for me. Pray i get that job. And yes guys, keep praying for me... i really want to leave that place. Im struggling there..😔 I just cant wait to leave that place. Forget everything, and start a new life. Too many bad memories there... yes.... im willing to leave everything that i love there. I just want my happiness back.. i love my job... i love my boss... i love my friend. But i love myself more... so that my decision... leave that place.... Ya Allah..sesungguhnya engkau maha pemurah... ...

Ya... a year... so many thing happened. I can say, i am a bit stronger. still crying, but not like before. Faza hanya menangis di depan Allah sahaja. That what i always pray for. Biar kuat depan manusia, dan rebah di depan Allah sahaja. Dan Allah makbulkan doa itu. I can see, the reason behind everything happened. Sedikit demi sedikit Allah tunjukkan hikmah di sebalik semua yang berlaku. Alhamdulillah... Terima kasih Allah kerana sentiasa melindungi hambaMu ini.  Sakit? Its still there. Not easy to forget everything. Forgive but not forget. Let time decide everything. Its hurt, really hurt. To see him everyday. How you try to avoid him, but he still there. Hanging around your workplace. looking for my attention? Nope.. it wont work dude. tawar hati. One thing i noticed, since berik balit all the gifts yg nya berik, he never show his face at my workplace area. Terasa? Who cares now? Dont bother at all. I dont want to keep it. You like it or not, its up to you. The most impo...

i dunno how many days already. don't want to count on it anymore. the more i count, the more i sad. so just let go... still sad, sometimes.   so many thing happened this couple of month. Gjull father admitted. About a month at ccu. i met his family. they knew me now. and yet, that guy still hanging around to seek attention. but sorry dude, u no longer in my life. not my priority anymore. i just want to forget u. You throw me away, and i'll do a same thing to you, throw you away, far far away from my life, even as a friend. You know nothing dude. How i struggle to get back my life. How i lost my happiness. How i cried almost everyday, just because losing you. So, i have decided, to forget anything (how i wish for that) about you. Assuming i never met you before. I dont care if you sad or disappointed or feeling of losing, because that what i felt when u leave me a years ago, and i think it worse than what you felt now. Its not revenge. I just protecting myself, from someon...

its had been 242 days...my birthday mean nothing this year..=(..for 2 years, he always with me on my birthday. but not this year.. sedey weiii. And that the reason why im missing this year on my birthday. im worried if i cant stand and cant control my emotion.  but still, im crying on my birthday. early morning gt text from sister, and already make me cry. i know they knew about it. i know, they noticed im still sad. and i know they try to cheer me up. thanks guys... love u all so much!!!  i dunno why it so difficult to forget him. i dont like the dreams. 5 times i have almost similar dream.. and all of it, related to him. not sure either it just a dream or a hint for me. really confusing. still crying..but better than before... my instinct still the same.. i really hope i throw away the instinct. its very strong... but really hope its not going to be happen. seriously, im in dilemma.. i want to forget him, and let him go. but dream is the one that still bothering my ...

Its had been 200 days. How time flies.. dunno why im so sad today. Going back frm office before 4.30pm. But reached home almost 6pm. Yaaa....crying again.. heading town. And drive without purpose. Faza datang gila lagik. Dunno why its really hard to forget him. Macam ada something yang menghalang. But dunno what. Really hope this will end soon. Cant stand anymore. Macam dah reached the limit. He keep bothering my mind. Dunno why after istikharah, muka nya yang keluar. Its not first time. A few time already. What does it mean??? I have no idea. And yes, keyakinan ya masih sama macam dolok . Never changed. Seriously , really dont what does it mean. It make me more confuse. Every morning i wake up for tahajud. Ya... mencari ketenangan dan jawapan untuk semua kekeliruan. I really confuse now. I really hope Allah give answer for all of these. Be honest, i cant see his face. Even his voice. My mood definitely will change. 360... i hate. And that the reason why i avoid him. I do it for a ...

Nice number!!!! Lol Nothing much i can say.. i need to be strong. Keep that in my mind. I can do it. I can forget him. I can forget everything. Not easy i can say. Really need to struggle a lots. Really need courage. I spent my night with hajat, tahajud and isthikarah. Almost every night. That the only way i can get my calmness in my life. Its work.. but takes time. I dont mind to do it. As long as i get back my happiness. And the reason also why i always look tired. Everyone say the same thing. U look very tired Faza... ur eyes... u ur eyebag.. even Dr Chew noticed it. I try to sleep the earliest i can. So i can wake as early as 3am.. then no more sleep. Mau nya x keluar segala eyebag!!!😅 I hope everything will end.. i dont know how long i can stand. Tired... really tired. Ya Allah... ease everything for me.. i cant wait all of this over.... i know, good thing will happen to me. 'Disetiap kesukaran, pasti akan datang kesenangan'... Amin...

It had been 6 month. Officially today...whats my feeling? Dunno.... definitely still a bit sad. But i think i felt much much better now. I can face it... ya... on and off.. i know, time will heals everything. But seriously it is not that easy. The biggest problem is, we work at same place.. i meet him almost everyday.. thats the hardest!!! I need courage for that!!! I smile, I laugh..  but deep inside my heart... broken... totally injured.. Agreed bila org kata org yang paling kerap ketawa adalah orang yang paling sedih... that' s me!!!!😂 I dunno until when i can stand. Im trying my best... yes... im a bit rebellious nowadays. I alway break the rules. 😅 I just dont want to stay longer at office. I try to minimize my time . I dream abt him a few time last week. Dunno what does it mean. I hope my bad instinct wont happen. The most important thing, i dont want to put any hope anymore. Putting too much hope will make me disappointed. So, better just leave i...

Yes... i miss u... but i try not to care of you... I try to ignore you... I try to forget about you... But... Its not easy The more i try.. The more i think about you.. But... I need to do it For my own sake I dont want to be hurt anymore I dont mind to be hurt now... Coz i dont want to continuosly being hurt in future Im confuse with your behaviour now... U seem trying to get close with me But sorry dude... its not going to be happen... U hurt me before And yes... i wont let it happen anymore If u r looking for the OLD Faza... That owz take care of u... U wont find her anymore That OLD Faza no longer exist GONE... And yes... u are the one that responsible for that... U make her disappeared... Faza that u see now is someone that cold hearted and heartless... Be honest... i miss that OLD Faza too...

After 5 months, I thought im strong enough now. But unfortunately im not 😢. I still crying, sad especially this pass 2 weeks. I dunno why. but i have very bad instinct. I really hope its not going happened. It keep repeating in my mind. After i start isthikarah last wk. I dont want to put any hope now. Coz i dont want to hurt myself just like before. My heart keep hurting. And i dunno why. Last week is the worst. I cry everyday after back from work. Seriously dunno why. A bit curious. So i start back tahajud. And i will feel much better. Yalah Faza, bila dah ok sikit mula lupa Allah. So let it be part of your routine now Faza. I dunno how long i can stand. Please give me strenght Ya Allah.. seriously, im still not strong enough. 😢

Yes...it had been 120 days a.k.a 4 months. getting stronger but still not strong enough. Sometimes i still crying. I dont know why it really difficult to forget him. almost everyday, i think about him. I trying my best to forget him.. yes...i struggle a lots..😢 But i know there is a reason behind this.. try to think positive. Redha dengan segalanya. Terima segala perancangan Allah. Allah know what the best for me. Always keep that in my mind. Everyday after solat, alway pray that i can forget him. Forget all the memories. Yaaa... maybe we work at same place, that why it a bit difficult. But i know, i can do it. Ya.. just trust Allah... that what im doing now. Yeaaa... im on vacation... long holiday... dont have to see his face.. glad for that!!! Harap semua berjalan lancar dan selamat pergi, selamat sampai... Ya Allah.. lindungilah dan jauhilah kami dari perkara buruk Ya Allah...Amin....

yes.. agreed... even though u just next to me, aku boleh buat bodoh and sik kenal jak. As Norapizah said, u good in doing that. But the problem is, i can do it when in front of people, but at the back, im crying..dying inside.. seriously!! its hurt, but i have to do it. For my own sake. For my future. I dont want to be hurt again. One is enough, Yesterday, i shared everything with Ain. Seem like we face almost same situation. I try not to mentioned his name. But she can guess who he is. Ya.. she crying too. Coz she understand what im going through. Similar situation i can say. Her ex also married someone else. You know what, i really dont understand guys. What they want.. What are they doing. Guys is suck!!! Yaaaa... not all.. i know that. But the one that i met was totally #^%^&^&&&&!!!! I hate him,, but i really miss him right now.. seriously really miss him badly!!!:'(... But i must do this.. keep ignore him. I know im still not strong enough, but i ...

Yes... it has been 93 days... And Faza still like this!!! Now i know my weakness Im a strong person before A strong kakak for her adik adik thalas But when it comes to love or being hurt, Faza jadi selemah2 insan...😢 Yup... im now a bit protective.. I can say... sombong...ya... for my own sake.. I just want to protect my heart From being hurt again Once is enough I dont care of orang anggap Faza sombong now Back to normal Just like what i do before Overprotected my heart For this while... i really take care of my heart Im not letting people hurt it.. not even touch it But once i let people touch it... they hurt it... until it broken into pieces... 😢 I need to recover it back... ' Bukan sombong... tapi menjaga.. Menjaga daripada terjatuh pada yang salah '.. Ya... i should hold to this now... sombong... sebab x nak terjatuh pd org salah... it happened before.. so i'll make sure its not going to be happen again... Lesson to be learn...

Yup...it had been 90 days. What can i say is that, im stronger but still not strong enough. I can hide it in front of everyone. But not in front of Allah.. i'll cry...again...and again.... its not easy..😢 But i know i can do it. Sebab Allah xkan turunkan ujian ini andai aku x mampu untuk mengharunginya. What i need to do is to stay strong. Still not talking to him. I cant be hipocrite. Pretend to be happy and talk like usual with him. NOPE!!! Definitely not going to be happen. I do what I think the best of me. To me, he is nobody now. Someone that i just know recently. Trying my best to forget all the memories that we had before. Ya... i cant trust myself when it involve heart n feeling. Hati manusia itu Allah boleh bolak balik kan. What im worried is that, the feeling come back again. Things that i trying to avoid to be happen. Biar sakit sekarang, jangan sakit buat kali kedua. Lesson to learn, choose wisely and dont simply trust people. Yes, admit that i have trust ...

72 days.... and im still like this oh my!!!! Faza!!! until when???? stop it Faza.... you have to do something Forget him Forget all the memories he's nothing now none of my business  I know its difficult its not easy but you have to do it no choice Faza There is a reason behind all of these You know it.... so try to accept it... Every morning i wake soooo early... SO... what else i do?? Tahajud.. but i think im a bit stronger now I dont cry a lot during tahajud not like before but i cry a lots after isya...and during mengaji... dunno why....:'( it takes time... but i know, i can do it lets time heal everything i cant wait all of this over im just tired with everything im tired of crying im tired of over thinking Ya Allah... give me strength please... :'(

Dear Faza, days 71 It's more than enough its exceed your own target its time for you to really-really move on forget everything I know its not easy You struggle a lots  You cried a lots You stress with everything that happened but Faza.. you are strong girl you had been faced some many challenged in your life before you lost a lots of thalassaemia and cancer friends you almost lost your bestfriend a.k.a Zanel you been infected with H1N1 you have Steven Johnson Syndrome due to Exjade you injured yourself and got 8 stitched while working for health screening name it!!! you face it with BRAVE and SMILE!!! please don't be weak just because one person one person that hurt your feeling and you forgot a bunch of families and friends that loves your everyday Dear Faza, Please appreciate your life.... you known as Kak Yong that always give courage to her thal sister and brother you always motivate them to think positive in life you always give adv...

Weekend gateaway at Lundu... spent my weekend with Khairul, sister and Kak Ju families. Yaaaa .... i need to go away and release everything in my minds. Jiwa masih kacau... I hate it!!!! Still thinking of him... damn!!! November....someone birthday... really want to wish him. But... i really cant remember his exactly date of birth...mmmm.... sign that Allah dah bantu aku lupakan dia kot!!! LoL... and then, semua mcm x dipermudahkan. Nak confirmation frm Mascara list, my list dkt laptop not up to date . nak tanyak Ain... mri case cancel.. too obvious, Allah x restui apa yang aku nak polah... so just forget it!!! Ok... forget about him for a while.. Guess who i met?? Yusuf Roy!!!! Hahaha... it has been almost 15 years i never meet him. Since we leaving St Joseph... lama sih!!! But good thing about him, he still friendly like before... not like that guys.. anak orang kaya tu!!! This month gonna be a busy month for me... almost every week i fly.. to kl... to miri... and then...run....

  Ai Choo post this at FB yesterday with hashtag #fazakuat.. it make me cry...again... yes.. again.. I know so many people love me. And i make them worried about me. I try to be strong. But still can't. Seriously, it not that easy.. Still struggling with myself. Try to think positive... think abt those who really loves me...cares about me... But still can't. Damn!!! why it so difficult?? Seem like i cant achieve my own target. Days 66, and im still sad..FAZA!!!! Please forget everything!! its not good for your health!!! Yaa.... im not feeling well since last week. Very weak.. Dunno why... Im trying to make myself busy... Run...hiking this week... Check in at sematan. Next week fly to KL.. following week to Miri... Then run... and run again... Am I trying to make myself sick??? please Faza.. dont force yourself do something over the limit.... I really hope everything will back to normal. But i know, it wont happen. How i wish everything will over  ASAP.... FAZA YOU C...

Day 59... My target 60 days is enough Faza.. Yup... be honest, it was very2 difficult. If i know its going to be this hard, I shouldnt attached too closed with him. Not attached actually. The best word is, say NO when he say Hi!!! at the first time.... But... things happened. People keep saying, everything happened for a reason. Guysss!!! Do you know that, it easy to say, not to do it??? Move on!!!! Let it go!!!! And bla...bla... no different. What i can say, its not that easy dude! I thought im strong enough to face. But now i realize, im not.. im still weak!!! I still cry.. it day 59, and i think almost everyday i cry... especially during my solat time. Yes... that the time i really expressed my feeling. Only Allah know how i felt. I feel better after sujud. And yes, tahajud become part of my routine now. Dr Meity came last wk... and luckily she knew it already. Yaaa.. i told her before she come here. I just dont want her to be suprise. The staff informed her and she pretend to be...

30th August 2016... it's the end of everything... i will remember that date forever. After almost 2 year close with him, that what he decide. What can i do? Nothing!!! I shouldn't put trust on him. I should protect my heart, like what i usually do! Never trust a man FAZA.. that is moral of the story.. just 19 days before he marry, he tell me everything. The best part, if not because of Krabi, i dont think i know about it. I hate Krabi now. Yup, after he told me that, he go Krabi for honeymoon.. OMG...seriously, i dont like Krabi. i even cant sleep after he confess. 32 hrs without sleeping, i think i hv lost my mind. So my 31st Aug holiday was very terrible day. I watched movie alone. Action movie, but i cried most of time. Watched in movie before, and now it happened to me. One word to describe..CRAZY!!! After movies, no where to go. Drive without any direction, as long as it moving. i decided to tell my ctc group. and yes, everyone cry for me... The only thing in my min...

Almost 3 yrs i know him.. is this the end of everything? 😢.. i tried my best to fix everything. But if only ME try...for sure it wont work. Yes... i admit that, aku sayangkan our relationship. But, dah give up dah... i hv try my best... Sorry Dr Meity, i cant stand anymore. I dont think i'll follow your advice. It too much... I only pray that Allah will gv me strenght to face all of this. Ya... semoga diberi petunjuk kepada semua jawapan yg aku perlukan. MNS... yes... je'taime....