30th August 2016... it's the end of everything... i will remember that date forever. After almost 2 year close with him, that what he decide. What can i do? Nothing!!! I shouldn't put trust on him. I should protect my heart, like what i usually do! Never trust a man FAZA.. that is moral of the story..
just 19 days before he marry, he tell me everything. The best part, if not because of Krabi, i dont think i know about it. I hate Krabi now. Yup, after he told me that, he go Krabi for honeymoon.. OMG...seriously, i dont like Krabi.
i even cant sleep after he confess. 32 hrs without sleeping, i think i hv lost my mind. So my 31st Aug holiday was very terrible day. I watched movie alone. Action movie, but i cried most of time. Watched in movie before, and now it happened to me. One word to describe..CRAZY!!! After movies, no where to go. Drive without any direction, as long as it moving. i decided to tell my ctc group. and yes, everyone cry for me... The only thing in my mind, i need someone to hug... and yes, thanks kak luciana, for always be there for me.... spend my time at her house just for crying.. for almost 3 wks, crying is my new hobby and tears become my best friend.
I really cant faced him after he told me everything. 2 wk, i thought its going fine. But still, not that easy. sometimes, i can face him, sometimes i just cant. My emotion sangat-sangat goyah... i know, my friend notice it. I'm trying to make myself busy, but still cant. Especially when im alone, night time, when drive back home and during weekend. That the time when he always give me a call. I need to get use with it. but, not easy.
When Pizah was around during weekend, i went out with her. I cried again.. She was shocked.. ya... she never know about it. And suddenly i told her...Heartbroken.. mau nya sik terkejut. And yes, i know she sad for me and i can see she cry.. Faza... u make everyone worried and sad..:'(.. I promised that im not going to cry again. But promise is just a promise. When it come to heart, you can promise you will do it.
2 weeks without any text and call.. Yes.. it Faza ok.. Faza hati batu sometime.. I can stand. Until he sent his wedding invitation. And yes, luckily i have EMTF . So i can keep myself busy with it. He send invitation 15/9/2016 at 1am (around that), and i only reply his text 15/9/2016 at 11pm. At first I planned just to ignore it, but suddenly remember NS Tan advice, just congrat him, more than enough. So, that why at the end, i decide to text him. And yes, we whatapps for almost one hour. I quickly cut conversation before it go to far. the nxt day, he video call me. Yaaa... the night before akad nikah. Yaaa....mata dia bengkak...weiiii!! What does it means??? Trying to ask him. But he just keep hiding it. It Faza ok... my sense is very good. I think he is crying. but dont know why. Ya... vidcall about half an hour. That gonna be our last vidcall before he be someone else husband..
17/9/2016... i only text him in the morning.. before akad. after that no more whatapps... Ya.... officially someone else husband. Lee B. Hock was around. I told him everything, and yes crying again. I told him that im going to his wedding. He's a bit suprise. I told him, im strong to face it, so he dont have to worry. During sharing session at Imperial, i confessed everything in front of my adik-adik. Yaaaa... all of them very shocked. The happy go lucky Faza, that always huuuhaaahuuuhaaa.. crying like crazy in front of them. They never see me down like this before. But im lucky to have them in my life. I told them, im going to MNS wedding on Sunday.. and what they do??? They shout... Faza boleh!!! Touching wei!!!!
On that day... yes... i went... I strong my heart to do it. keep telling myself, i can do it... I smile like nothing happen. But deep inside, nobody know. Only my close friend and Lee know how broken my heart was. I cant lied to Lee.. I'm superficial to him.. he can see direct to my heart... Lee B.H, aku salute kau!!! after his wedding, i fetch Lee. Went lunch together and send him to airport. Ya.... counsellor depan mata, so free consultation...LoL... He tell me, MNS is going text me again. And im, with confident tell him, "He will text me by today". and yes, that what happened. He texted me around 8pm. And i only reply it an hour later. i just cut the conversation. I'll keep Lee advice in my mind, "dont play with fire, Faza". That what im doing now. try to avoid him. Lee, Thanks for your advice...U come at the right time...
until today, 21/99/2016... no more text and call... yup, that's what i hope. Just leave me alone. What i want is to get back my happiness. it gone for about 3 weeks... i miss the old faza...
He still on leave... honeymoon la katakan... so, im a bit free this week..no stress to see him... but dunno next week. I only hope Allah give me strength to face him. i know Allah has better plan for me.. InSyaAllah...
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