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Day 59

Day 59... My target 60 days is enough Faza.. Yup... be honest, it was very2 difficult. If i know its going to be this hard, I shouldnt attached too closed with him. Not attached actually. The best word is, say NO when he say Hi!!! at the first time....
But... things happened. People keep saying, everything happened for a reason. Guysss!!! Do you know that, it easy to say, not to do it??? Move on!!!! Let it go!!!! And bla...bla... no different. What i can say, its not that easy dude!
I thought im strong enough to face. But now i realize, im not.. im still weak!!! I still cry.. it day 59, and i think almost everyday i cry... especially during my solat time. Yes... that the time i really expressed my feeling. Only Allah know how i felt. I feel better after sujud. And yes, tahajud become part of my routine now.
Dr Meity came last wk... and luckily she knew it already. Yaaa.. i told her before she come here. I just dont want her to be suprise. The staff informed her and she pretend to be shocked...hahaha... so funny.. and yes quite suprise that they told Dr Meity, good la.. go out with Faza and make her happy. She sad now. Means that they about know it. But they try not to show it. Too obvious is Jordan. He keep asking me, how are you Faza? Ok or not? Everytime he meet me...Thanks guyssss.... yup... i cry again in front of her. I think she know a lots abt US. And she can sense it too.. ya Dr Meity... i dont know what guys think.. before she back, she told me, go to public Faza and meet knew person.. Mmm... not that easy.
Faza is too loyal... yaaaa... that the problem. When im with someone, i dont see other people. No matter how good there are. But, what i get back??  Do good to people, and people give shit to me. Pity on you Faza. Learnt something, sometimes we have to be sellfish. Think abt yourself and dont care abt other people feeling. But i cant do that. Yup... im used to help other people. I used to be Kak Yong to my thal sis and brother. Used to help them whenever they need me. I cant changed that. Its inside ME...😓
We dont talk anymore... we dont yalk anymore.. like we used to do... yes.. that song suit for me. We dont talk to each since day 1 he started working.  He say Hi, and I just ignore it. I think he know im avoiding him now. So.. no more talk after that... until today. I dunno until when. But i dont hv courage yet to do it. Im not strong enough.😢
Tmr gonna be day 60. Can i do it? Can i reach my target? Mmm... no idea. A bit difficult when it involved feeling. Another problemm is, he is the bos now... not sure good for me or not... i guess good, coz its mean he spend most of the time in the office. Shd be ok... but still gonne see him too. Damn!!!
So... what gonna happen in future?? No idea.. im struggle to get up back, it really takes time. Only pray that Allah ease everything.. i cant stand anymore. Im just too tired with all this thing..
Ya Allah.. permudahkanlah segalanya bagiku.. and give me strengh please...😭

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