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152 days

After 5 months, I thought im strong enough now. But unfortunately im not 😢. I still crying, sad especially this pass 2 weeks. I dunno why. but i have very bad instinct. I really hope its not going happened. It keep repeating in my mind. After i start isthikarah last wk. I dont want to put any hope now. Coz i dont want to hurt myself just like before. My heart keep hurting. And i dunno why. Last week is the worst. I cry everyday after back from work. Seriously dunno why. A bit curious. So i start back tahajud. And i will feel much better. Yalah Faza, bila dah ok sikit mula lupa Allah. So let it be part of your routine now Faza.

I dunno how long i can stand.

Please give me strenght Ya Allah.. seriously, im still not strong enough. 😢

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