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Day 200

Its had been 200 days. How time flies.. dunno why im so sad today. Going back frm office before 4.30pm. But reached home almost 6pm. Yaaa....crying again.. heading town. And drive without purpose. Faza datang gila lagik.
Dunno why its really hard to forget him. Macam ada something yang menghalang. But dunno what. Really hope this will end soon. Cant stand anymore. Macam dah reached the limit.
He keep bothering my mind. Dunno why after istikharah, muka nya yang keluar. Its not first time. A few time already. What does it mean??? I have no idea. And yes, keyakinan ya masih sama macam dolok . Never changed. Seriously , really dont what does it mean. It make me more confuse.
Every morning i wake up for tahajud. Ya... mencari ketenangan dan jawapan untuk semua kekeliruan. I really confuse now. I really hope Allah give answer for all of these.
Be honest, i cant see his face. Even his voice. My mood definitely will change. 360... i hate. And that the reason why i avoid him. I do it for a reason. For my own sake.
Ya Allah... i just need a strength and sabr. That all... its not easy... im struggle a lots.. hopefully, im strong enough to face all of this. Bantu lah hamba mu ni Ya Allah...😢

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