Day 180 a.k.a 6 months

It had been 6 month. Officially today...whats my feeling? Dunno.... definitely still a bit sad. But i think i felt much much better now. I can face it... ya... on and off.. i know, time will heals everything. But seriously it is not that easy. The biggest problem is, we work at same place.. i meet him almost everyday.. thats the hardest!!! I need courage for that!!!
I smile, I laugh.. but deep inside my heart... broken... totally injured..
Agreed bila org kata org yang paling kerap ketawa adalah orang yang paling sedih... that' s me!!!!😂
I dunno until when i can stand. Im trying my best... yes... im a bit rebellious nowadays. I alway break the rules. 😅
I just dont want to stay longer at office. I try to minimize my time .
I dream abt him a few time last week. Dunno what does it mean. I hope my bad instinct wont happen. The most important thing, i dont want to put any hope anymore. Putting too much hope will make me disappointed. So, better just leave it like this.. gambateh Faza... u can do it. Just rely on Allah.. He know better...

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Day 200

Its had been 200 days. How time flies.. dunno why im so sad today. Going back frm office before 4.30pm. But reached home almost 6pm. Yaaa....crying again.. heading town. And drive without purpose. Faza datang gila lagik. Dunno why its really hard to forget him. Macam ada something yang menghalang. But dunno what. Really hope this will end soon. Cant stand anymore. Macam dah reached the limit. He keep bothering my mind. Dunno why after istikharah, muka nya yang keluar. Its not first time. A few time already. What does it mean??? I have no idea. And yes, keyakinan ya masih sama macam dolok . Never changed. Seriously , really dont what does it mean. It make me more confuse. Every morning i wake up for tahajud. Ya... mencari ketenangan dan jawapan untuk semua kekeliruan. I really confuse now. I really hope Allah give answer for all of these. Be honest, i cant see his face. Even his voice. My mood definitely will change. 360... i hate. And that the reason why i avoid him. I do it for a ...

Day 66

Ai Choo post this at FB yesterday with hashtag #fazakuat.. it make me cry...again... yes.. again.. I know so many people love me. And i make them worried about me. I try to be strong. But still can't. Seriously, it not that easy.. Still struggling with myself. Try to think positive... think abt those who really loves me...cares about me... But still can't. Damn!!! why it so difficult?? Seem like i cant achieve my own target. Days 66, and im still sad..FAZA!!!! Please forget everything!! its not good for your health!!! Yaa.... im not feeling well since last week. Very weak.. Dunno why... Im trying to make myself busy... Run...hiking this week... Check in at sematan. Next week fly to KL.. following week to Miri... Then run... and run again... Am I trying to make myself sick??? please Faza.. dont force yourself do something over the limit.... I really hope everything will back to normal. But i know, it wont happen. How i wish everything will over ASAP.... FAZA YOU C...

Day 191

Nice number!!!! Lol Nothing much i can say.. i need to be strong. Keep that in my mind. I can do it. I can forget him. I can forget everything. Not easy i can say. Really need to struggle a lots. Really need courage. I spent my night with hajat, tahajud and isthikarah. Almost every night. That the only way i can get my calmness in my life. Its work.. but takes time. I dont mind to do it. As long as i get back my happiness. And the reason also why i always look tired. Everyone say the same thing. U look very tired Faza... ur eyes... u ur eyebag.. even Dr Chew noticed it. I try to sleep the earliest i can. So i can wake as early as 3am.. then no more sleep. Mau nya x keluar segala eyebag!!!😅 I hope everything will end.. i dont know how long i can stand. Tired... really tired. Ya Allah... ease everything for me.. i cant wait all of this over.... i know, good thing will happen to me. 'Disetiap kesukaran, pasti akan datang kesenangan'... Amin...

♥zazythalassaemicladies♥

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