♥zazythalassaemicladies♥

Its had been 200 days. How time flies.. dunno why im so sad today. Going back frm office before 4.30pm. But reached home almost 6pm. Yaaa....crying again.. heading town. And drive without purpose. Faza datang gila lagik. Dunno why its really hard to forget him. Macam ada something yang menghalang. But dunno what. Really hope this will end soon. Cant stand anymore. Macam dah reached the limit. He keep bothering my mind. Dunno why after istikharah, muka nya yang keluar. Its not first time. A few time already. What does it mean??? I have no idea. And yes, keyakinan ya masih sama macam dolok . Never changed. Seriously , really dont what does it mean. It make me more confuse. Every morning i wake up for tahajud. Ya... mencari ketenangan dan jawapan untuk semua kekeliruan. I really confuse now. I really hope Allah give answer for all of these. Be honest, i cant see his face. Even his voice. My mood definitely will change. 360... i hate. And that the reason why i avoid him. I do it for a ...

Nice number!!!! Lol Nothing much i can say.. i need to be strong. Keep that in my mind. I can do it. I can forget him. I can forget everything. Not easy i can say. Really need to struggle a lots. Really need courage. I spent my night with hajat, tahajud and isthikarah. Almost every night. That the only way i can get my calmness in my life. Its work.. but takes time. I dont mind to do it. As long as i get back my happiness. And the reason also why i always look tired. Everyone say the same thing. U look very tired Faza... ur eyes... u ur eyebag.. even Dr Chew noticed it. I try to sleep the earliest i can. So i can wake as early as 3am.. then no more sleep. Mau nya x keluar segala eyebag!!!😅 I hope everything will end.. i dont know how long i can stand. Tired... really tired. Ya Allah... ease everything for me.. i cant wait all of this over.... i know, good thing will happen to me. 'Disetiap kesukaran, pasti akan datang kesenangan'... Amin...

It had been 6 month. Officially today...whats my feeling? Dunno.... definitely still a bit sad. But i think i felt much much better now. I can face it... ya... on and off.. i know, time will heals everything. But seriously it is not that easy. The biggest problem is, we work at same place.. i meet him almost everyday.. thats the hardest!!! I need courage for that!!! I smile, I laugh..  but deep inside my heart... broken... totally injured.. Agreed bila org kata org yang paling kerap ketawa adalah orang yang paling sedih... that' s me!!!!😂 I dunno until when i can stand. Im trying my best... yes... im a bit rebellious nowadays. I alway break the rules. 😅 I just dont want to stay longer at office. I try to minimize my time . I dream abt him a few time last week. Dunno what does it mean. I hope my bad instinct wont happen. The most important thing, i dont want to put any hope anymore. Putting too much hope will make me disappointed. So, better just leave i...

Yes... i miss u... but i try not to care of you... I try to ignore you... I try to forget about you... But... Its not easy The more i try.. The more i think about you.. But... I need to do it For my own sake I dont want to be hurt anymore I dont mind to be hurt now... Coz i dont want to continuosly being hurt in future Im confuse with your behaviour now... U seem trying to get close with me But sorry dude... its not going to be happen... U hurt me before And yes... i wont let it happen anymore If u r looking for the OLD Faza... That owz take care of u... U wont find her anymore That OLD Faza no longer exist GONE... And yes... u are the one that responsible for that... U make her disappeared... Faza that u see now is someone that cold hearted and heartless... Be honest... i miss that OLD Faza too...

After 5 months, I thought im strong enough now. But unfortunately im not 😢. I still crying, sad especially this pass 2 weeks. I dunno why. but i have very bad instinct. I really hope its not going happened. It keep repeating in my mind. After i start isthikarah last wk. I dont want to put any hope now. Coz i dont want to hurt myself just like before. My heart keep hurting. And i dunno why. Last week is the worst. I cry everyday after back from work. Seriously dunno why. A bit curious. So i start back tahajud. And i will feel much better. Yalah Faza, bila dah ok sikit mula lupa Allah. So let it be part of your routine now Faza. I dunno how long i can stand. Please give me strenght Ya Allah.. seriously, im still not strong enough. 😢

Yes...it had been 120 days a.k.a 4 months. getting stronger but still not strong enough. Sometimes i still crying. I dont know why it really difficult to forget him. almost everyday, i think about him. I trying my best to forget him.. yes...i struggle a lots..😢 But i know there is a reason behind this.. try to think positive. Redha dengan segalanya. Terima segala perancangan Allah. Allah know what the best for me. Always keep that in my mind. Everyday after solat, alway pray that i can forget him. Forget all the memories. Yaaa... maybe we work at same place, that why it a bit difficult. But i know, i can do it. Ya.. just trust Allah... that what im doing now. Yeaaa... im on vacation... long holiday... dont have to see his face.. glad for that!!! Harap semua berjalan lancar dan selamat pergi, selamat sampai... Ya Allah.. lindungilah dan jauhilah kami dari perkara buruk Ya Allah...Amin....

yes.. agreed... even though u just next to me, aku boleh buat bodoh and sik kenal jak. As Norapizah said, u good in doing that. But the problem is, i can do it when in front of people, but at the back, im crying..dying inside.. seriously!! its hurt, but i have to do it. For my own sake. For my future. I dont want to be hurt again. One is enough, Yesterday, i shared everything with Ain. Seem like we face almost same situation. I try not to mentioned his name. But she can guess who he is. Ya.. she crying too. Coz she understand what im going through. Similar situation i can say. Her ex also married someone else. You know what, i really dont understand guys. What they want.. What are they doing. Guys is suck!!! Yaaaa... not all.. i know that. But the one that i met was totally #^%^&^&&&&!!!! I hate him,, but i really miss him right now.. seriously really miss him badly!!!:'(... But i must do this.. keep ignore him. I know im still not strong enough, but i ...