♥zazythalassaemicladies♥

Ya... a year... so many thing happened. I can say, i am a bit stronger. still crying, but not like before. Faza hanya menangis di depan Allah sahaja. That what i always pray for. Biar kuat depan manusia, dan rebah di depan Allah sahaja. Dan Allah makbulkan doa itu. I can see, the reason behind everything happened. Sedikit demi sedikit Allah tunjukkan hikmah di sebalik semua yang berlaku. Alhamdulillah... Terima kasih Allah kerana sentiasa melindungi hambaMu ini.  Sakit? Its still there. Not easy to forget everything. Forgive but not forget. Let time decide everything. Its hurt, really hurt. To see him everyday. How you try to avoid him, but he still there. Hanging around your workplace. looking for my attention? Nope.. it wont work dude. tawar hati. One thing i noticed, since berik balit all the gifts yg nya berik, he never show his face at my workplace area. Terasa? Who cares now? Dont bother at all. I dont want to keep it. You like it or not, its up to you. The most importan

i dunno how many days already. don't want to count on it anymore. the more i count, the more i sad. so just let go... still sad, sometimes.   so many thing happened this couple of month. Gjull father admitted. About a month at ccu. i met his family. they knew me now. and yet, that guy still hanging around to seek attention. but sorry dude, u no longer in my life. not my priority anymore. i just want to forget u. You throw me away, and i'll do a same thing to you, throw you away, far far away from my life, even as a friend. You know nothing dude. How i struggle to get back my life. How i lost my happiness. How i cried almost everyday, just because losing you. So, i have decided, to forget anything (how i wish for that) about you. Assuming i never met you before. I dont care if you sad or disappointed or feeling of losing, because that what i felt when u leave me a years ago, and i think it worse than what you felt now. Its not revenge. I just protecting myself, from someone

its had been 242 days...my birthday mean nothing this year..=(..for 2 years, he always with me on my birthday. but not this year.. sedey weiii. And that the reason why im missing this year on my birthday. im worried if i cant stand and cant control my emotion.  but still, im crying on my birthday. early morning gt text from sister, and already make me cry. i know they knew about it. i know, they noticed im still sad. and i know they try to cheer me up. thanks guys... love u all so much!!!  i dunno why it so difficult to forget him. i dont like the dreams. 5 times i have almost similar dream.. and all of it, related to him. not sure either it just a dream or a hint for me. really confusing. still crying..but better than before... my instinct still the same.. i really hope i throw away the instinct. its very strong... but really hope its not going to be happen. seriously, im in dilemma.. i want to forget him, and let him go. but dream is the one that still bothering my mind. 

Its had been 200 days. How time flies.. dunno why im so sad today. Going back frm office before 4.30pm. But reached home almost 6pm. Yaaa....crying again.. heading town. And drive without purpose. Faza datang gila lagik. Dunno why its really hard to forget him. Macam ada something yang menghalang. But dunno what. Really hope this will end soon. Cant stand anymore. Macam dah reached the limit. He keep bothering my mind. Dunno why after istikharah, muka nya yang keluar. Its not first time. A few time already. What does it mean??? I have no idea. And yes, keyakinan ya masih sama macam dolok . Never changed. Seriously , really dont what does it mean. It make me more confuse. Every morning i wake up for tahajud. Ya... mencari ketenangan dan jawapan untuk semua kekeliruan. I really confuse now. I really hope Allah give answer for all of these. Be honest, i cant see his face. Even his voice. My mood definitely will change. 360... i hate. And that the reason why i avoid him. I do it for a

Nice number!!!! Lol Nothing much i can say.. i need to be strong. Keep that in my mind. I can do it. I can forget him. I can forget everything. Not easy i can say. Really need to struggle a lots. Really need courage. I spent my night with hajat, tahajud and isthikarah. Almost every night. That the only way i can get my calmness in my life. Its work.. but takes time. I dont mind to do it. As long as i get back my happiness. And the reason also why i always look tired. Everyone say the same thing. U look very tired Faza... ur eyes... u ur eyebag.. even Dr Chew noticed it. I try to sleep the earliest i can. So i can wake as early as 3am.. then no more sleep. Mau nya x keluar segala eyebag!!!😅 I hope everything will end.. i dont know how long i can stand. Tired... really tired. Ya Allah... ease everything for me.. i cant wait all of this over.... i know, good thing will happen to me. 'Disetiap kesukaran, pasti akan datang kesenangan'... Amin...

It had been 6 month. Officially today...whats my feeling? Dunno.... definitely still a bit sad. But i think i felt much much better now. I can face it... ya... on and off.. i know, time will heals everything. But seriously it is not that easy. The biggest problem is, we work at same place.. i meet him almost everyday.. thats the hardest!!! I need courage for that!!! I smile, I laugh..  but deep inside my heart... broken... totally injured.. Agreed bila org kata org yang paling kerap ketawa adalah orang yang paling sedih... that' s me!!!!😂 I dunno until when i can stand. Im trying my best... yes... im a bit rebellious nowadays. I alway break the rules. 😅 I just dont want to stay longer at office. I try to minimize my time . I dream abt him a few time last week. Dunno what does it mean. I hope my bad instinct wont happen. The most important thing, i dont want to put any hope anymore. Putting too much hope will make me disappointed. So, better just leave it like this.. gambateh

Yes... i miss u... but i try not to care of you... I try to ignore you... I try to forget about you... But... Its not easy The more i try.. The more i think about you.. But... I need to do it For my own sake I dont want to be hurt anymore I dont mind to be hurt now... Coz i dont want to continuosly being hurt in future Im confuse with your behaviour now... U seem trying to get close with me But sorry dude... its not going to be happen... U hurt me before And yes... i wont let it happen anymore If u r looking for the OLD Faza... That owz take care of u... U wont find her anymore That OLD Faza no longer exist GONE... And yes... u are the one that responsible for that... U make her disappeared... Faza that u see now is someone that cold hearted and heartless... Be honest... i miss that OLD Faza too...

After 5 months, I thought im strong enough now. But unfortunately im not 😢. I still crying, sad especially this pass 2 weeks. I dunno why. but i have very bad instinct. I really hope its not going happened. It keep repeating in my mind. After i start isthikarah last wk. I dont want to put any hope now. Coz i dont want to hurt myself just like before. My heart keep hurting. And i dunno why. Last week is the worst. I cry everyday after back from work. Seriously dunno why. A bit curious. So i start back tahajud. And i will feel much better. Yalah Faza, bila dah ok sikit mula lupa Allah. So let it be part of your routine now Faza. I dunno how long i can stand. Please give me strenght Ya Allah.. seriously, im still not strong enough. 😢